LACES of DILEMMAS. CROCHET of LOVE or Love Crochet. Lace dilemmas by OANA S.
EXCERPTS from MY FUTURE BOOK: LACES OF DILEMMAS. CROCHET OF LOVE. or
LOVE CROCHET. LACE DILEMMAS
also "KNOWN" as "HER EMAILS"
Love crochet. Lace dilemmas. Do you know what I wish for today, my birthday? My heart would have wanted us to be together And today, and for your birthday... I decided to write to you again and even tell you the truth, even though you don't deserve it, after everything you did yesterday... you did your best to trample on my soul and my feelings and, without false modesty, I don't think I deserve that! Satisfied? I do not think! If so, it means that I would have been wrong about you, which is unlikely... I feel that you have been unhappy, deceived in waiting so many times, you have suffered too much. I know you don't trust... I felt your suffering through every pore but, at the same time, I know that you have a great soul. I know that not everyone can reach it... I know how much you struggled, how much you worked for every thing you made it well, find out that for all this I feel for you and from you (and here I mean all the good things, not the evil ones, because you have enough of these too... I did not answer you with evil, to the evil you did to me. If I had curbed the immeasurable pride I have, it would have come to ruin. There are many things I want to tell you. I woke up early this morning with this thought. Do you know I dreamed of you? For the first time really, as I dreamed with open eyes I did it several times. I will write to you today, I will complete with everything I feel I have to tell you. August 24, 2014, Cluj-Napoca This text will be published somewhere, sometime, in my first and maybe only book... If you like it, I'm waiting for your comments! If you don't like it, I'm waiting for your criticism! To you, Oana Stavila
Love crochet. Lace dilemmas.
Is difficult.
to you, and me...
I understand your disappointments, fears, doubts, uncertainties.
I have mine too, and right now, you made me step back, fold, and no, not because of the words,
beautiful by the way, or
because I would not agree with those statements (but I will return to them), but because of the intense feelings you have already had with another woman...
I don't want and I never wanted to intervene in the life of a happy couple and I consider that I didn't do that, and I never want to have a conscience loaded with something like that.
I don't want to build my happiness on the altar of someone else's unhappiness !!!
Me, never, and when I say that, that's it.
So, I NEVER fought for a man (and here I do not mean the idea of fighting for a man, boyfriend or husband, when he becomes mine, this is another story and here there is no question of fighting until to the supreme sacrifice to defend my territory, which is perfectly normal, I believe in a couple, but even here it would be an essential condition: namely, that of having the conviction that my partner loves me and does not stay with me, for other reasons)... but, always, I was the conquered one...
if there were doubts, ambiguities, if I felt hesitations, even if I created them voluntarily to elucidate the mystery, I gave up, I LEFT.
does not count.
Now I'm talking about a behavioral past long hidden in the corners of oblivion...
You know, I'd like to reveal some more of my thoughts to you, but I'm afraid of your reaction, precisely because I love you and I don't want you to suffer...
And then if I've been to this chapter, why don't I tell you that I'm 'afraid' of you, in the good sense of the word, but you know that, of course.
I also wondered how I would react when we see each other and, surprise... what do you think was the answer?
WITHOUT WORDS, I would just smile.
Now you have filled my heart with happiness, and I want this very, very much !!!
But if I won't be able to talk for a lifetime, but just to love you, to kiss you, to look at you and hug you, and to nestle in your arms, waiting to be caressed, to feel protected and loved?
But what if I don't get up to live up to your expectations?
... now I said that too, I'm sorry, but it crossed my mind (not now, that's right)...
But I don't want to ruin this special moment...
I feel so good now, so calm, all that is missing is eye contact to read everything in my eyes.
then you will have the certainty and security you need...But I don't want to ruin this special moment...
I feel so good now, so calm, all that is missing is eye contact to read everything in my eyes... then you will have the certainty and security you need...
I found some quotes that I will partially reproduce.
I think you will like.
"I like the verb 'to feel': to feel a smell, to feel the sound of the rain splashing on your face, to feel the pen laying the thought on a blank sheet, to feel the smell of the loved one, to feel his voice and his gaze. 'To feel' is an emotional verb that unites you with, who feels you. "
And I have another.
"The simplest modesty is to appear naked in front of others.
It is so difficult for us to be true to each other...
We are afraid that we are misunderstood, or that we seem too easy,
within reach of those who look at us. We never expose ourselves. Because we lack the strength to be true, to accept our limits, and then to understand them, and to transform them, in this way, into strength of character.
I like SIMPLICITY, when it is accompanied by humility.
I like people who know how to feel the storms on their own skin, who know how to understand the scent of things, to understand their essence. "
DID YOU FEEL HOW THIS VERB UNITES US?
I don't want to say big words, but I think that the moment you feel that you have found your soul mate, and you feel that from all corners of your being, you don't want to change anything about him / her (maybe just bring a plus or help him to rediscover the good things that belong to him).
I'm already starting to be less consistent. Fatigue has its say. Today I went through states of maximum intensity, plus I have been connected for so many hours...
I breathed and lived only through you, with you... it's an ineffable feeling...
and then I did something so new to myself; I wrote all day!
I'm not a writer and I'm out of words now, but because of fatigue, don't believe anything else.
I suggest you do an imagination exercise... lie down in bed and let your thoughts fly, without telling us what we're thinking... I want to feel what you're sending me, okay?
written on
Cluj-Napoca, August 20, 2014
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